


Each Letter Tells a Story (Berena Alphabet)

by HartKins



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, Arrive, Berena Alphabet, Birthday, Destiny, F/F, Glasses, Heaven, Insurance, One Shot Collection, coward - Freeform, envelope, fight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22627195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HartKins/pseuds/HartKins
Summary: Ficlets for Berena Alphabet prompts
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 48
Kudos: 98
Collections: Berena Alphabet





	1. Arrive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie thinks back to when she first arrived at Holby City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look at me posting last week's fic late.....I've had no motivation to write all week even though I knew what I was going to write. Maybe I shouldn't have taken a break?
> 
> Anyway, I'm back!!!!!!!

It was a normal day on AAU at Holby City Hospital. It was February and everything was finally starting to calm down from the holiday season chaos. Bernie & Serena had been working hard to get the ward running smoothly ever since Bernie got back from Kiev. Serena’s daughter, Elinor, had a near-death experience, and thankfully she would make a full recovery.

The two consultants had just sat down for their lunch break when the doors to AAU burst open as a gurney carrying a woman in army fatigues was wheeled through.

“This is Major Marguerite Salinger, 47. Struck by a roadside IED,” one of the nurses pushing the gurney said as it was wheeling towards the nurse’s station.

“Why are you bringing her here?” Serena said as she came out of her office and walked towards the commotion.

“The paramedics said to bring her straight here,” the same nurse replied.

“Okay, thank you,” Serena said quickly as she went searching for Fletch.

After various tests, scans, and questions; the AAU consultants discovered that the soldier had a C5-C6 spinal fracture and a cardiac pseudoaneurysm. The aneurysm would obviously have to be repaired by Jac Naylor on Darwin, but the two women thought they could repair the spinal fracture themselves, with a neuro team on standby, if need be. The problem was deciding which operation was more important.

Bernie had remained calm during the diagnosis of the fracture and aneurysm. With the patient having the exact injuries from an IED like hers, she was prepared to experience some PTSD, but all she felt was determination. She had to fix this woman, just like Guy Self & Oliver Valentine had fixed her, she couldn’t let this major down.

As Bernie Wolfe, Jac Naylor, and Serena Campbell got together to discuss the plan for the operation, Bernie immediately jumped in and suggested that they do them back-to-back, just like it had been done on herself.

The fear of messing up was constantly in Bernie’s mind while she operated. She heard what could possibly happen if she made a mistake, and she didn’t want to find out for herself.

Bernie had successfully repaired the spinal fracture and was just about to close up when the monitors started going off signally for Jac Naylor to do her bit.

As Bernie stood holding their patient’s neck still, she couldn’t help but think back to her own surgery and how the 2 surgeons felt at this moment.

Everything was going as expected until the monitor made that horrible sound. Marguerite was flat-lining and Jac had to get her heart back to a normal rhythm while Bernie did everything she could from paralyzing the woman.

After 5 shocks to the heart, everyone in the room agreed that it was time to call it quits. As much as they wanted to keep trying, they couldn’t put Marguerite’s heart and body through it if there was little to no chance she would recover. Her brain had been deprived of oxygen for far too long, it just wasn’t the right thing to do.

As the monitor continued to let out the long beep signaling no output, everyone went silent as Bernie called the time of death. As soon as the words left her mouth, she began to feel a sense of loss, like she had lost a friend. Even though she didn’t know the woman, she knew what it felt like to lose a soldier. She felt guilty as well, she knew it wasn’t entirely her fault, but she couldn’t help the way she felt.

After Serena had finished up the paperwork from the surgery, she went in search of Bernie to see if she was ready to go home. They both had a long day and she wanted nothing more than to spend the evening in the arms of her partner.

When she didn’t see Bernie in their office, she asked if anyone had seen her, and when everyone said they hadn’t, she began to worry.

She thought back to the times when Bernie needed a moment to take a breath, and she remembered where she liked to go.

As Serena climbed the flights of stairs up to the top, she cursed herself for not being in better shape.

She opened the heavy, metal door and gasped when she saw the woman she loved standing by the ledge smoking a cigarette. She was gonna have to have another talk with her about the dangers of smoking.

“There you are,” Serena sighed as she came up behind Bernie and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

“Hi,” Bernie said as she blew out a breath of smoke.

“What’re you doing up here?”

“Just thinking,” the blonde woman said quietly and took another drag.  
“Want to share with the group?” Serena asked as she rested her chin on Bernie’s shoulder.

“The soldier we lost today. And about the day I came to Holby with the same exact injuries 4 years ago today.” With Serena’s body pressed against Bernie’s, she could feel the shudder that came out of the woman as she said the last 4 words.

“I know. I didn’t want to say anything when Marguerite came in. I can’t imagine how you’ve been feeling. Are you okay?”

“Not really. I didn’t realize how scared I was when I first arrived until I saw Marguerite lying there. I was petrified deep down, but I guess it was hidden beneath wanting to put on a brave face,” she said as she put the cigarette out on the ledge in front of her. “Then when Marcus showed up after the surgery, I didn’t have time to think about how scared I was. I knew there was a risk of me dying or becoming paralyzed, but I didn’t realize how big until today,” she continued.

Serena rested her head on Bernie’s back as she spoke, and felt and heard the moment Bernie started to cry. She quickly turned Bernie around in her arms and hug her tight as she let her release all of the emotions that she had been holding in for 4 years.

Serena realized at that moment that Bernie was grieving a loss. She didn’t die, obviously, but she lost a part of herself on February 2nd, 2016. Bernie had been holding in this pain that neither of them realized she had for 4 years.

Maybe that’s why Bernie had trouble sleeping at night and migrated to the couch for fear of waking Serena. Or why when the February 2nd came up, Bernie took the day off work and spent several hours at the pub by herself.

As Serena began to put the puzzle pieces together in her head, she knew things were going to change between Bernie and her emotions. And she hoped this breakthrough would make their relationship stronger. She also vowed that every February 2nd, she would be spending the day with Bernie, and hopefully not at a pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be writing fics for this challenge and maaaybe working on my other works if I'm in the mood????


	2. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena has a plan to make Bernie's birthday special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really struggling to get these posted before the next prompt is posted.....I told everyone that it's okay for them to take their time, so I guess that goes for me as well.

Bernie’s birthday was coming up. She was about to turn the big 5-0 and she was happy about it. She had her health, her kids were treating her as if her infidelity with Alex and divorce with their father hadn’t happened, and her relationship with Serena was the best it’s ever been. Bernie’s life couldn’t be better.

She was excited about celebrating her birthday, but she was also nervous because she didn’t want people to make a fuss. When she was in the army, she made sure to keep her birthday a secret because she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. The only times she could remember celebrating--besides childhood--was on the off chance she was home from a tour where she would have a small party with her kids, husband, and parents. This was the first time in her life that she felt comfortable with herself and she wanted to celebrate as well. She laughed that it took her 50 years to get to this point, but she wouldn’t change a thing.

Serena knew that Bernie was nervous, but she wanted to make this occasion as special as possible. She had an idea for a surprise party in her head and she hoped she could pull it off without Bernie finding out.

Fortunately, Bernie had her birthday off of work, which was odd because she always worked on Friday, but Serena was forever grateful.

When Serena’s shift was nearly over, she went into her office that she shared with Bernie and pulled out her phone.

“Hello?” Bernie said when she answered Serena’s call.

“Hi. Can you come and get me? My car won’t start,” Serena asked. She had trouble thinking of a good excuse to have Bernie come to the hospital on her day off, so she thought car trouble might do it.

“What’s wrong with it? Is it the alternator? Is it-”

“Don’t say cactus,” Serena giggled as she cut her off. “I don’t know what’s wrong, can you please come and get me?” she asked, her tone matched one of a child begging for candy.

“Of course, I’ll be there soon,” Bernie sighed. She always had a hard time saying no to Serena when she used that voice.

“Great! Come to AAU, I’ve got some paperwork that needs to be done before I leave.”

Bernie drove the familiar route to the hospital and thought for a second of fixing Serena’s car, but she really didn’t want to get her clothes dirty because she didn’t know if Serena had plans for dinner. She would just have to call a mechanic the next day and have someone come out and look at it.

As Bernie walked onto AAU, she noticed the ward too quiet for 5 pm. There weren’t many patients and none of her colleagues that worked on Friday nights were around. Maybe they were in a meeting?

When Bernie glanced through the office window, she noticed the lights off, and it made her confused. She immediately pulled her phone out of her pocket. As the screen lit up, she breathed a little sigh of relief when she saw a text from Serena.

  
_I’m at Albie’s with Ric, he needed to have a chat. Come join us xx_

Bernie wondered why she hadn’t heard the text go off earlier, but she figured it came while she was driving.

She made her way out of the hospital and down the street to the pub. She wanted a drink, but she wanted it to be with Serena while they were having dinner together.

When Bernie opened the doors to Albie’s, she couldn’t help but let out a gasp. The place was pitch black. What the heck was going on? She only had 2 seconds to come up with a reason when suddenly the lights turned out and a bunch of people shouted ‘surprise!’ She couldn’t believe her eyes. Stood in front of her was everyone from AAU, Keller, and Darwin. And she even noticed Henrik Hanssen in the back towering over everyone. She started to get tears in her eyes when she noticed Cameron & Charlotte on the far left. How Serena managed to get them there on a Friday night, she will never know, but she was so glad they were there.

Serena walked towards her with the biggest smile on her face and wrapped her around Bernie’s neck and gave a peck on the lips.

“Surprised?” Serena asked when she pulled away.

“Very,” the blonde giggled. “Thank you. How did you do all of this?”

“Easy. We work with the best party planners in the country. Donna, Dom, and Essie. They did all of the hard work,” Serena replied. “I was in charge of getting you here,” she giggled.

“Well, you know I can’t say ‘no’ to you when a broken-down car is involved.”

Everyone enjoyed appetizers and cake that was catered in while they mingled. After Bernie had talked to her friends and children, she sat with Serena on a sofa and talked while sharing soft kisses.

“Thank you so much for this. You have no idea what this means to me,” Bernie said as she grabbed Serena’s hand.

“I think I do. I know you’ve hardly celebrated your birthday since you were a child. And I know you like celebrating it but couldn’t because of the army. I also know that 2017 was a big year for you, for both of us, so this is a celebration of what you’ve become. This is the new you.”

“Thank you,” Bernie said with tears in her eyes as she leaned forward and kissed Serena. “I’m so happy with who I am now. I never dreamed I’d have a great relationship with my kids again, or even a decent one. And that I’d fall in love with a beautiful woman and want to marry her someday,” Bernie said, tears forming in her eyes again.

“Wait, you’ve fallen in love with another woman? I thought you loved me!” Serena said with a serious look on her face, but Bernie knew she was joking.

“You are unreal, Campbell,” Bernie chuckled as she rolled her eyes.

“Happy birthday, Bernie. I love you so much,” Serena smiled and kissed her partner for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. Bernie deepened the kiss a bit and tried to put her hand under Serena’s blouse but Serena pulled back. “Bernie, we’re in public,” she gasped.

“But I want you,” she pouted, her bottom lip sticking out. Serena laughed and gave it a little kiss.

“When we get home, I’m giving you my present. I’ll even wrap it in satin and lace for you,” Serena said with a wink.

“I can’t wait,” Bernie groaned as she felt a sudden throbbing between her legs.

Serena gave Bernie multiple “presents” that evening, to which Bernie reciprocated. And as they laid in each other’s arms afterward, they both reflected on what 2017 gave them. Neither of them knew what 2018 had in store for them, but they were so excited to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might not match up time-wise, but I wanted it to be about Bernie's 50th birthday. Also, Elinor never died, Serena didn't invite her to the party because she was at uni probably.


	3. Coward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie admits that she's a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long for me to write considering how short it is......

**You stupid, stupid coward**

After Bernie smacked her forehead on the steering wheel, she shook her head to remove the fringe from her eyes while simultaneously shaking away the emotions. She shifted her car in reverse and proceeded to leave the car park. She needed to get out of there.

When she got 5 miles away from the hospital, a thought suddenly hit her.

_What am I doing? Why am I running from my problems yet again?_

Bernie looked for the opportunity to do a U-turn and headed back to the hospital.

When she walked back onto AAU and towards the office, she saw Serena sitting at her desk with her head in her hands.

**You stupid, stupid idiot**

Bernie knocked on the door and watched Serena quickly wipe the tears from under her eyes.

“Come in,” the brunette said quietly. “What’re you doing here?” she asked when she saw Bernie open the door.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay,” Serena said hesitantly.

Bernie walked over and sat down in one of the chairs under the window and let out a deep sigh.

“I’m a runner. I love to run early in the morning, it keeps my mind and body active. I also love running away from my emotions. When things get to be too much, I bolt. I did it when Marcus asked me out on our first date, when Alex wanted to be partners, and when you said you didn’t want me to go. I have to stop running from my problems. I’m also a coward. A coward for pushing you out of my arms when I should’ve pulled you into them 20 minutes ago.” Bernie felt like she was babbling, so she decided to stop and let Serena respond.

“Thank you, Bernie. Thank you for coming back and being honest with me. You’re not a coward, though. You’re one of the bravest people I know,” Serena said as she grabbed Bernie’s hand and held it in hers. “I’m an idiot for not chasing after you, but I’m not a runner.”

“Thank you,” Bernie replied. “What did you mean earlier when you said you recognized the symptoms of love? Were you talking about the cryogenics couple or us?” Bernie asked. She figured Serena was talking about the people, but the way she said made Bernie think otherwise.

“I meant the couple, but I guess it could fit our situation as well.” Serena smiled at Bernie and squeezed her hand that she was still holding onto.

After talking for a few minutes longer and sharing a quick kiss, Bernie left the office and went up to Hanssen’s office to tell him she changed her mind about Kiev.

Bernie & Serena left Holby City Hospital hand-in-hand, both unsure what the future held for them. They knew they liked each other and wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship. Bernie would work on being less of a coward and run with her emotions instead of away from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not giving up on this writing challenge because I came up with the idea, even though I'm a week behind! I will find motivation one of these days. I've thought of 2 fics for the Destiny prompt so hopefully, I get them out in the next several days!


	4. Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie & Serena celebrate a special day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got this written after having it in my head for 2 weeks....

It was February 23rd, 2021, 5 years since Bernie Wolfe & Serena Campbell met outside Holby City Hospital. It was also their 1 year wedding anniversary.

After their temporary break up in 2018, Bernie went back to Nairobi for 2 months before she realized she had made the biggest mistake of her life letting Serena go. She quit her job at the NTC--after retracting her resignation--and moved back to Holby. She surprised Serena on Valentine’s Day and explained how she couldn’t live her life without her in it and that she wanted to stop traveling. Domestic Bernie was the Bernie she wanted to be. She wanted to spend time with her children. She wanted to be the one to push Guinevere on swings. She wanted to be the person no one pictured her to be.

They got married in a little park surrounded by their family and friends and they were so happy. Now a year later and the happiness had yet to fade even slightly.

Bernie wanted to make the day special for Serena and she had everything planned a week before so she didn’t mess anything up. 5 years since meeting Serena was important to Bernie and she wanted to focus on that number.

Thankfully, Bernie had the day off so she was able to get everything ready for the evening with Serena.

When Serena walked through the door and into the kitchen at 5 pm, she almost started crying from what she saw. The lights in the kitchen were dimmed, which confused her because they weren’t able to do that 10 hours ago.

“What’s this?” Serena asked as she walked into Bernie’s arms, getting a kiss on the lips from the blonde.

“Happy 1 year anniversary, Serena,” she said and pecked her lips again. “And happy 5 year anniversary of the day we first met. I think I fell a little bit in love with you the second that I saw you,” she smiled.

Bernie had put candles, silk rose petals, 2 wine glasses on the table.

“This is beautiful.”

“There’s more,” Bernie beamed.

Bernie wasn’t the best cook, but there was one dish that Serena absolutely loved, so of course, Bernie had to make it.

Once they tucked into the Thai chicken stir fry with udon noodles and jasmine fried rice--oh yes, Bernie could cook it all to perfection--with a glass of Shiraz, they had light conversations about their day. How Serena had to do an appendectomy instead of eating the turkey sandwich that Bernie had made for her that morning. Bernie talked about all the places she went, but not saying what she bought.

When they both finished, Bernie grabbed Serena by the hand and ushered her into the living room, the real fun was about to begin.

Serena sat down and Bernie went to gather everything. When she came back, Serena let out a gasp. She didn’t expect there to be more than a nice dinner, but her wife seemed to have other plans.

“Bernie, what is all this?” she asked, her eyes wide at several boxes sat before her, wrapped the only way Bernie knew how, paper crinkled and tape everywhere.

“It’s our anniversary and I wanted to make it special.” Bernie gave Serena one of her shy smiles that said ‘I’m not good with showing emotions, but I’m trying.’

Serena loved how much Bernie had come out of her shell since they met. She wasn’t great at expressing how she felt, sometimes trying too hard and going overboard with gifts, but she loved with all of her heart and that’s what Serena loved most about her.

Serena opened the first box and the tears almost started up again. Laying before her was a box of 5 red roses, the smell light and calming.

“Oh, Bernie, they’re beautiful. Thank you.” She leaned in and kissed Bernie on the lips. When Serena looked at the stems, she noticed tags on all of them.

“Each one says why I love you,” Bernie said as she took them out and handed them one by one to Serena for her to read.

_You’re kind and caring to everyone_   
_You make me laugh until I can’t breathe_   
_You put others before yourself_   
_You’re smart_   
_You’re beyond gorgeous from head to toe_

“Oh my god, Bernie. These are the sweetest things I’ve ever seen. I love you,” Serena said as she choked back more tears and kissed Bernie on the lips.

The next box Serena opened contained 5 small boxes of chocolates.

The 3rd box had mini wine glasses filled with different types of Shiraz, ranging from sweet to dry.

The 4th and last box was definitely the most expensive, Serena thought, but Bernie always said love had no price and she didn’t mind spending money on Serena. Inside the box contained a jewelry box, and inside was the most gorgeous necklace. The chain was small and it held 1 tiny diamond that sparkled in the light.

“This necklace will grow as our marriage grows. As each year passes, we will go and lengthen the chain and have another diamond added. It will symbolize our love, but will also help us remember how long we’ve been married,” Bernie chuckled. She knew they loved each other and wanted to be together forever, and was excited to see the necklace grow. “You don’t have to say anything,” she said. She could tell Serena was speechless.

“I love you so much,” Serena finally said and kissed Bernie hard on the lips. The dinner and gifts were so beautiful and unexpected, but Serena was so happy.

“I know that 5 is the common number tonight and you’ve only opened 4 boxes, so wait here for 5 minutes and then come up to the bedroom to open the 5th box,” Bernie said then winked at Serena before she stood up and walked up the stairs.

Serena messed around on her phone for 5 minutes, doing nothing important because there was an ache between her legs that Bernie had caused and she couldn’t focus on anything else.

The 5 minutes felt like 5 hours and Serena practically ran up the stairs. When she got to the bedroom, her mouth dropped open when she saw Bernie standing in front of her in a red, see-thru negligee. Bernie was completely naked underneath, her pink nipples on display. As Serena’s eyes raked down the body in front of her, she saw that Bernie had a black strap-on nestled between her legs.

“Fuck,” Serena panted out. Her knickers were suddenly wet and she was sure she would orgasm the second Bernie touched her.

“Strip and get on the bed. Now,” Bernie spoke, her Major voice coming out.

Serena did what she was told and was soon on her back in the middle of the bed.

“Please,” she whined as Bernie climbed on top of her.

Bernie kept up with giving Serena 5 things and gave her 5 kisses all over her body. Her lips before briefly sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, a hard one on her pulse point, her right nipple and then flicking her tongue over it, above her belly button--one of Serena’s sensitive spots, and finally on her clit, which made Serena’s hips jump.

Bernie spent a few minutes between Serena’s legs before she rubbed the dildo through Serena’s folds before plunging it deep inside her.  
Bernie didn’t give Serena 5 orgasms that night, even though she wanted to, but she definitely made her wife feel amazing. If Bernie wasn’t great at expressing her emotions with words, she sure could with her fingers and tongue. Serena was certain Bernie could kill her with orgasms if she tried hard enough.

“I love you so much, Serena. I know you don’t believe in God, but I think He had something to do with us meeting 5 years ago,” Bernie almost whispered to Serena as they laid wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Let’s call it destiny. We were destined to be together. It was always meant to be,” she smiled before kissing Bernie softly.

“Destiny. I like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing, I realized this wasn't really about destiny. Whoops!
> 
> I have another idea for this one, but it'll be posted in my Who said it had to be on the bed? collection because it's smutty.


	5. Envelope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena receives something from Bernie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I have nothing better to do than write since I'm stuck in my house all day.......This is now a very strange world that we live in. Anyway, here's a fic that I should've written like a month ago!

Serena couldn’t believe what Cameron had told her. The once love of her life had died. Her entire body felt numb, her mind blank. How could this happen? She felt sorry for Bernie, but more importantly, she felt sorry for Bernie’s children. She couldn’t imagine what Cameron was feeling. I’m sure life with a parent in the military was beyond difficult. Not knowing if you’re going to be visited by those military people that tell you your loved one has passed. Thanking God or whomever you prayed to that they survived yet another day.

After hearing the news about Bernie, the last thing Serena expected was to meet Alex Dawson. Of course, she had heard about her many times, but she never knew what she looked like. It was a shock and she was also confused as to why Alex was showing up on her ward.

A journal? Bernie never once mentioned she had a journal, not that she had to. Serena didn’t see Bernie as the journal type. She always had trouble remembering things and refused to write things down, why would Serena think Bernie kept a journal?

As Serena started thumbing through it, tears sprang to her eyes. It was as if Bernie had another world Serena didn’t know about. She wasn’t mad that Bernie kept things from her, but it made her sad that she never knew about some of the things in the book.

When she got to the back of the book, she noticed an envelope with her name on it, obviously written in Bernie’s scraggly handwriting. There were many times Serena and the staff on AAU had to ask Bernie about the notes she wrote because they couldn’t read them. All Bernie could do was chuckle and make a loose promise that she’d work on her penmanship, which never happened.

When Serena opened the envelope, tears immediately started to form as soon as she read the first 3 words on the paper.

_My darling Serena,_

_If you’re reading this, it means I’ve messed up in a big way. A way that not I, you, nor the surgeons at Holby can fix._

_Something tragic happened and now I’m somewhere in the sky, wishing I was on earth and back in your arms._

_I hope I was able to say ‘I love you’ one last time, whether it was through text, email, video chat, or even better, in person. If I didn’t get to, then I’m going to say it now. I love you._

_I love you so much. My heart hurt every single time I’ve had to leave you in the past. I had to do it because it was the best thing for us. Or so I thought. I figured you were better off at Holby or France, while I was in Sudan, and now Nairobi. Now, I don’t know what’s best for us anymore. Sorry, didn’t know what was best for us. Maybe I should’ve stayed at Holby and waited for you to come back. I was just so mad that my trauma unit was taken away from me. I didn’t want to do hip replacements or whatever Hanssen wanted me to do. Trauma is my passion, it’s what I’m trained to do._

_I don’t regret coming to Nairobi, they’re thriving with the trauma center. I regret not trying harder at convincing you to stay forever. If I would’ve put a bit more effort into it, maybe you would’ve chosen me over Holby._

_I could write 10 pages on my regrets in life, but this isn’t what this letter is about. This is my final chance to tell you how much I love you and how much you’ve meant to me since we first met. I’ll be honest and say that I fell a tiny bit in love with you the first time we met outside Holby. The way the sun hit your chocolate brown hair, the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at me, I couldn’t help but stare. I didn’t think that moment would evolve into a relationship or even a friendship, but I’m so glad it did. You’ve changed my life so much, Serena, for the better. I wouldn’t be my true self if it weren’t for you._

_I wish I could write a book about how much I love you and what you mean to me, but you know how terrible I am with words and my feelings. I’m surprised I’ve written this much!_

_Let me finish by saying I love you, for the thousandth time, and that I am going to miss you so much. Please don’t be sad about me and keep living your life. Find someone that makes you happy. If you don’t want another relationship, that’s okay. If you do, you have my permission. I won’t stop you from anything. If my children are still in Holby, just let them know how much I love them. Sometimes they don’t believe how much I love them unless they hear it from someone else._

_You are my everything, Serena. I hope we meet again someday._

_Take care of yourself and your family._

_Love always and forever,_   
_Bernie x_

Serena was full-on sobbing by the end of the letter. It was clear Bernie had written it before the break up in December and Serena started to feel those emotions again. It was stupid for them to split. It was stupid of Serena to listen to Jason, poor boy meant well, but it just wasn’t the right thing for him to say, especially after what had happened with Leah. Serena was looking for any excuse to break it off with Bernie without mentioning Leah, and Jason had given her some reasons so she went with it.

With shaky hands and tears still in her eyes, Serena put the letter back in the envelope and put it in her desk drawer. She would later take it home and try to decipher when and why Bernie wrote it. Was she in constant danger but refused to tell her partner? Serena couldn’t be mad at her, Bernie always did what she thought was best for Serena because, of course, she put others first. That woman was the most selfless woman on the planet and Serena let her go 8 months ago all because of bins and swings?

Wherever Bernie was, in Heaven or some magical place where only the beautiful and caring go, she had to be looking down at Serena. Who knows if she was angry at Serena for the past. It couldn’t be changed and Serena had to live with that now. She would do what Bernie wanted her to do in the letter because she felt like she owed that to Bernie after everything. Plus, she didn’t know if Bernie had the power to haunt her if she disobeyed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tendency to stray from the prompt, but I feel like this was healing for me. I've been missing Bernie terribly lately and I've wanted to go back and rewatch episodes, but I just can't do it. Maybe writing is what I really need to do.


	6. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie & Serena have a fight about current events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never right? Again, I don't know what this fic is, but at least it relates to the prompt this time!

Bernie & Serena had been laid off from their jobs as bartenders--a job they had just started a month ago-- and were on lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic and today was their 2nd day off.

“I’m going to the shops to look for a new blouse, wanna tag along?” Serena asked as she stood from the couch while they were watching Bake Off.

“We can’t. We have to stay inside,” Bernie replied, not taking her eyes off the tv.

“What? No, we don’t. We can go out, we just can’t go to work.”

“No, we have to stay inside. We can only go out for groceries and doctor appointments,” Bernie replied.

“Says who?” Serena asked as she furrowed her brow.

“The government. This is a pandemic,” Bernie said with a serious tone in her voice.

“Well, that’s dumb. This is ridiculous,” Serena said as she rolled her eyes and sat back down.

A few hours later they heard a knock at the door. Serena opened it and received a few envelopes from the postman.

“Anything good?” Bernie asked as she glanced back at Serena.

“No, just junk,” Serena replied as she sat back down on the couch and reached for the bag of crisps on the table.

“Wait, you should go wash your hands first before you eat those.”

“Why?” the silver-haired woman asked just before reaching her hand inside the bag.

“Because you just touched the post and now you’re going to touch food,” Bernie said in a serious tone.

“It’s fine, Bernie,” Serena said as she rolled her eyes for the second time.

“No, it’s not fine. Those envelopes are filthy, who knows where they’ve been,” Bernie said, raising her voice and grabbing the bag from Serena before she contaminated it.

“What’s wrong with you? It’s not like it has coronavirus on it,” Serena replied, furious now that Bernie was acting like this.

“You don’t know that! Someone at the post office could have it and not know it and touch everything.”

“Calm down. No one in this town has coronavirus,” Serena said and tried to grab the bag back from Bernie.

“Okay, if no one has it, go and lick one of the envelopes.” Bernie pointed her head towards the stack of envelopes and crossed her arms.

“Fine, I will,” Serena replied as she started to head over towards them. “And I’ll lick the money in my wallet too,” she continued.

“No, don’t! Good grief, you shouldn’t be licking stuff whether there’s a pandemic going on or not,” Bernie said. She couldn’t believe Serena wasn’t taking this seriously.

“This is ridiculous. Everyone is making a bigger deal out of this than there needs to be,” Serena said angrily. “I don’t understand why they’re canceling events, closing schools, closing restaurants. Hell, I’ve rubbed my hands raw from washing them so goddamn much because you keep nagging me about it.”

“Serena, this _is_ a big deal. Just think about it. Someone with the virus touches a doorknob in public, then you go and touch it; then you touch food without washing your hands, food that I might eat, then we both get sick; then we could pass it onto Jason and Greta, or even Guinevere and then we’re in a lot of trouble. You know the baby has a weakened immune system because of her heart condition,” Bernie ranted on, managing to take a deep breath at the end.

“Oh my god, Bernie, the baby’s not going to get it,” Serena replied.

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!”

“YES, I DO!”

“HOW? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?” Bernie was furious. “SHE COULD EASILY GET IT FROM US AND THEN SHE COULD GET REALLY SICK OR EVEN DIE. DO YOU WANT HER TO DIE, SERENA? DO YOU WANT HER TO BE DEAD LIKE ELLIE?” Bernie gasped as the last word came out. The name left her mouth before she could stop it.

“HOW DARE YOU, BERNIE. HOW _DARE_ YOU BRING MY DEAD DAUGHTER INTO THIS,” Serena screamed. She felt as if steam was coming out of her ears.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Bernie replied softly as she walked towards Serena and wrapped her arms around her.

“Of course, I don’t want Guinevere to get sick and die. I just think shutting the entire country down is unnecessary. Close things down for 2 weeks to let the virus die, then open everything back up. People can stay inside for 2 weeks, but not for 2 months or longer, they’ll go crazy.”

“That’s the thing, people aren’t staying inside. They all think this is stupid and are living their lives normally. We have to flatten the curve, stay inside, otherwise we’ll never get out of quarantine,” Bernie said. “We can do this, Serena. We can do this together,” she sighed and planted a kiss to Serena’s head.

No one knows how long we will be stuck in isolation, but we have to stay together.  
Check on those that are struggling mentally. Tell them that it’s going to be okay.  
Check on the extroverts, they’re new at being stuck inside.  
If you’re struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone.  
Stay strong, everyone ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt good to write about the pandemic, it was cathartic in a way. Here's to hoping I write more since I will be stuck inside for who knows how long.


	7. Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie learns to accept getting older.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am slowly getting through these prompts! I'm glad that Camp NaNo is forcing me to write because it's giving me something to look forward to every night.

Bernie & Serena were in theatre working on the carotid artery of a 50-year-old woman that had stroke-like symptoms. Mr. Guy Self, head of neurosurgery, supervising and ready to jump in at any time.

“I’m clamping the external artery now,” Bernie said to everyone in the room.

“BERNIE, STOP!” Serena shouted.

“WHAT,” Bernie gasped and almost dropped the tool in her hand.

“That’s not the external artery, that’s the internal artery,” Serena said urgently.

“What?” she asked, confused.

“You were about to clamp the wrong artery,” Serena replied.

“No, I wasn’t,” Bernie replied.

“Look closely, Bernie.”

Bernie moved closer to the incision and realized the mistake she almost made. After taking a deep breath and double-checking, she put the clamp on the correct artery and breathed a sigh of relief that could be heard even with the mask over her face. She continued the rest of the surgery without any more mishaps and received a nod of approval from Mr. Self.

Bernie walked back into her & Serena’s office and sat down in her chair with her head in her hands.

“Something wrong?” Serena asked when she walked into the office and noticed Bernie.

“I almost made a huge medical error. I could’ve cost that woman her life if it weren’t for you,” Bernie whispered so quietly Serena almost didn’t hear. She was ashamed of what she had done.

“Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Serena said softly.

“Not like that. This isn’t okay.” Bernie looked up at Serena.

“You’re not usually like this. What’s gotten into you?” Serena asked, puzzled at why Bernie was acting this way. “Are you okay, Bernie?”

“No. I think I need glasses,” Bernie replied before putting her head in her hands again. Serena responded by laughing. “Why are you laughing?”

“You’re making this big of a deal over glasses?” Serena chuckled.

“Yes, because this is a big deal to me,” Bernie huffed, clearly pissed that Serena thought this was a joke.

“Why? That’s what happens when you get old. Body parts start to fail, so you get devices to help them.”

“I know, but I’m only 50. My parents didn’t need glasses until she was 65. I thought I had at least another 10 years left before I needed them,” Bernie sighed.

“Poor vision isn’t like the menstrual cycle where you start to lose it the same age your mother did,” Serena said as she furrowed her brow.

“Obviously. I just thought I did a good job taking care of my eyes. I always read books with the light on, I wore sunglasses as much as possible, and I ate a lot of carrots,” Bernie said proudly.

“Carrots?”

“They make it so you don’t have to have glasses,” the blonde replied. Serena laughed again. “What’s so funny now?” she huffed yet again.

“That’s just a myth. Carrots do nothing to improve or hinder your vision,” Serena said as she rubbed her fingers over her eyebrow. Where on earth did Bernie get all this information from?

“Then why are my eyes failing me now?”  
“Bernie, you’re middle-aged. You spend a lot of your time in front of a screen, and you’re a surgeon that does intricate procedures sometimes. It’s no wonder your eyes are getting tired,” Serena said softly, hoping to calm Bernie down some because she could tell she was getting upset.

“I don’t want to get old. I don’t feel 50, and judging by how you look at me sometimes, I don’t look 50,” Bernie said, smirking.

“You’re right about not looking 50.” Serena winked at the blonde. “You’re just going to have to get glasses, and you’re going to have to start wearing the eyewear in surgery,” she continued.

“Fine. Will you go with me and help me pick out glasses? You know what looks good on me better than I do.”

Bernie had made an eye appointment the day of the mishap in theatre and it was time to see just how bad her vision had gotten.

After all the tests were done, it was clear that Bernie was near-sighted, meaning she could see close up just fine, but far away was fuzzy for her, which explained the incident during the carotid artery repair.

“What kind of glasses were you thinking?” Serena asked as they walked toward the women’s section.

“Anything as long as it doesn’t make me look like a librarian or pensioner,” she laughed.

“Okay, small frames then.”

“What do you think of these?” Bernie asked as she put on a hot pink pair and faced Serena.

“Oh, god. Definitely not,” the brunette laughed. “Try these on,” Serena said as she handed Bernie a sky blue pair.

“Well, these would match the AAU scrubs!” Bernie laughed. “I like the shape, though.”

“Okay, so you like rounded square frames. Finally, we’re getting somewhere,” Serena replied, determined to find a pair Bernie would like.

After trying on what felt like 100 pairs, Bernie had finally picked out 2 pairs. The place they picked to look first, the same one Ric Griffin went to and recommended, was doing a deal of 2 pairs for £69.95 so it made sense to get 2 in case one of them broke.

Bernie was happy with her choices and she was glad Serena was there to help her choose. She was excited to get them in 2 weeks because after leaving the vision place, she had accepted that her eyes weren’t as good as they used to be. Serena convinced her it was from being the greatest trauma surgeon the country had to offer, which reminded her of the first time she met Greta.

2 weeks had passed and Bernie was ready to pick her spectacles up because she was tired of using the cheap reading glasses she had bought until they came because it was better than nothing.

“Okay, what do you think?” Bernie asked Serena when she walked through the door.

“You’ve never looked better,” Serena smiled when she saw Bernie in glasses with the most confusing color. In the store, it looked light pink, but as Bernie stood there, they looked like a reddish-brown.

“Good,” Bernie replied before she took them off and put her other pair on. A black pair because Serena said that black goes with everything. “And these?”

“My. God. Bernie,” Serena sighed.

“Does that mean you like them?” Bernie asked in confusion.

“God, yes. You look so sexy in those,” the brunette replied as she fanned herself with her hand. “Is it hot in here or is it just you?” Bernie started laughing, or what Serena referred to as honking

“I’m glad you approve of them,” Bernie smiled and walked over to Serena and wrapped her arms around her. “Looks like glasses haven’t made me older, but sexier,” she said with a wink.

“Definitely sexier,” Serena replied with a sigh and pecked Bernie on the lips.

Bernie got used to wearing her glasses within 5 days of getting them and she had to admit that they made work easier. Her colleagues thought she looked smart with them, which made her feel insecure. She wasn’t able to wear them during surgery, obviously, so she had to wear the magnifying headset when she did intricate surgeries.

And Serena, of course, was excited about Bernie’s new accessory, it made her love how she looked even more, which helped Bernie’s self-confidence a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're trying to picture what glasses Bernie bought, they are the pink/brown ones she currently has and the ones she wore in Silent Witness, because I can't get over how amazing she looked with those black frames on.


	8. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena discovers something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fic posted??? Who am I???? This was easy to write, thankfully.

Bernie & Serena were sitting on a bench in the cemetery where Serena’s parents, and now Elinor were buried when Serena looked up to the sky.

“Do you think Elinor is up there?”

“Where?” Bernie asked. She was miles away while staring at a random headstone in front of them.

“Up there,” Serena said and pointed to the sky. “In Heaven.”

“Do you believe in Heaven and God?”

“No. I mean, I want to, but how can there be another life after this? It makes no sense,” Serena replied. “They aren’t real. Just like how Santa Claus isn’t real. One man can’t deliver presents to millions of children in one night, it's impossible and it’s wrong to convince the children that he exists. And that goes for all the other fake people and animals that we were told that were real as children.”

“Wow,” Bernie said. She was shocked that Serena felt that strongly about practically everything she believed in, but she also understood that she was grieving and it could come out through anger. She wouldn’t hold any of this against her.

Bernie never brought up Heaven or God to Serena ever again, unless Serena mentioned them first. She grew up in a religious family, but once she became an adult she stopped going to church. She still believed in God and prayed to him once in a while, but she now realized that there was no way she would be going back with Serena next to her.

The years went on without Elinor and Serena slowly accepted that her daughter was never coming back. She didn’t mention or even think about Heaven since that day in the cemetery with Bernie until the day Alex Dawson showed up at the hospital and confirmed Bernie’s death.

That night as she laid in bed with her tv on mute, she looked up at the ceiling and stared, just like she had with Bernie years ago.

“Are you up there, Bernie? Are you in Heaven with my family?” she asked. She knew she wouldn’t get an answer, but she continued to talk. “I’m so sorry, Bernie.” She couldn’t specifically say what she was sorry for, but she figured Bernie knew what she meant. “If you’re with Elinor, tell her that I love and miss her so much. Please take care of her, Bernie. Take care of my little girl.” She paused to take a deep breath. “If there is a Heaven, and you’re up there, please give me a sign. Tell me she’s alright. That she’s safe and happy.” Serena let out a sigh. She was kidding herself. She knew Heaven wasn’t real. 

As she reached for her phone beside her, the tv’s volume suddenly unmuted and was much louder than what it had been when she first turned it on. She looked around on the bed to see if she was sitting on it accidentally, but it was still sitting on her nightstand. That had to have been a sign from Bernie, there was no other explanation for it.

“Bernie? Is that you?” she asked and looked up again. “Duh, of course, it is, you could never just enter a room quietly,” she chuckled. It was true, Bernie knew how to make a loud entrance, but her exits were silent and quick, which Serena hated.

From that day on, Serena had a better view about Heaven and God, she didn’t 100% believe in all the things God could do, but she knew her daughter, parents, and Bernie were all in a place far away, and she was happy with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know that if Bernie sent a sign to Serena, it would've been loud, right?


	9. Insurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie & Serena have an interesting experience with insurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very close to skipping this prompt because I couldn't figure out what to do with it. I'm just so glad I finally got something finished!

Bernie & Serena had just bought a new vehicle together. They rarely drove separately, so it made sense to sell one. They had trouble deciding which one to get rid of because they were both old, so they thought to go crazy and trade both of them in for a brand new one. They ended up choosing a bright red Lexus because they figured they were close to retirement and it would be fun to go traveling with it.

With an expensive car, they knew they needed to get good automobile insurance. Their other vehicles had the basic plan because they weren’t worth the money to pay for the higher options.

“Which one do you want to go with?” Bernie asked Serena. They wanted to make sure they were on the same page before they went in and talked to their agent.

“I have no idea. I know nothing about insurance policies. I sort of know the names, but no idea what they mean,” she chuckled. When it came to things like insurance and finances, Serena felt like she knew as much as a 10-year-old.

“Well, we want to get the best deal and plan because of how expensive our monthly payments are.

After going over the different protection plans, they both finally agreed on the one they wanted. They had to wait a couple of days to meet with an insurance agent to get set up.

They drove to the insurance office and were ready to meet with the agent to get protection for their precious vehicle--named Ladybug because she was red and Serena demanded it had a name--as soon as possible.

They spoke with the receptionist, Patricia, and told her what they were there for before being ushered to a tiny waiting area. About 10 minutes passed when a gentleman walked up to them and introduced himself.

“Hello, welcome to State Farm, my name is Jake and I’ll be working with you to pick out an auto insurance policy,” the young man said to them. He seemed nice and looked to be in his 30s. 

They followed him down the hall towards his office, surpassing several other people that looked as if they worked there, judging by how they were all dressed.

“Does everyone wear the same thing around here?” Serena asked. She figured it was the type of place where you could dress however you wanted.

“Yes, ma’am. We all wear red polos and khakis every day. We take insurance very seriously here,” he chuckled.

Serena thought their outfits looked hideous and made the women look like guys, but she wasn’t the one that worked there and had to wear it, so she let it go.

After about an hour of discussing and signing papers, the 2 women walked out the door happy with the decisions they made. They were ready to go on adventures with Ladybug and excited to see what the future held for them.  
When they were about 5 minutes from home, Serena was talking to Bernie about how she was going to redo the flower bed and add more flowers in the backyard. She tried to show her how big she needed the pots to be for the patio and stupidly, Bernie took her eyes off the road for a split second, but that was all it took. The next time she looked at the road, she saw a deer right in the middle. Her instincts told her to not hit the poor animal so she jerked the steering wheel, which caused the car to swerve off the road and luckily, crash into a tree stump.

“Are you okay, Serena?” Bernie gasped and looked over to see that her airbag had deployed as well as her own.

“Yeah. Airbags are a great invention aren’t they?” Serena replied. “Poor Ladybug though,” she frowned.

“It’s fine, just as long we’re okay. Ladybug can get repaired. Hey, at least we’re insured!” she laughed.

“Thank goodness,” she sighed as she laid her head back.

Bernie called emergency services and soon paramedics were getting her and Serena out and onto stretchers to look them over. Both women had cuts on their face from the force of the airbags, and sore necks from the whiplash, but other than that they were fine, thankfully.

They soon realized they had no way to get home, so Serena dialed Ric Griffin because she knew he lived nearby and luckily, it was the weekend so he wasn’t at work.

Bernie dialed Jake from State Farm to tell him what happened and was angry when she got off the phone.

“We aren’t insured because it takes an hour for the paperwork we signed to go through,” she told Serena as they waited for Ric to show up.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope.”

“What are we going to do now? Do we have enough money to get the damn car fixed?” Serena was now angry too.

“Well, we have money saved up for holidays, but maybe we will get lucky and they’ll total Ladybug and we can use the money to get a new car,” she replied to the angry, grey-haired woman that was now sitting on the side of the road with her head in her hands.

“Great,” Serena mumbled.

A week passed and it each day had been worse than the day before. Because Ladybug was their only car, they had to rely on either Ric or public transportation to get to work or anywhere else. They tried to pay Ric money for being an inconvenience but he refused to take the money because he said that Serena had done him several favors over the years and this was his way to pay her back.

As they sat on the couch one morning, Bernie’s phone rang. After a 10 minute conversation that seemed to have a bunch of questions, Bernie hung up with a smile on her face.

“Do you want the good news or bad news?” she asked Serena.

“Bad, I guess,” she replied, confused.

“The bad news is they’re totaling Ladybug, but the good news is the money we’re getting for her will be more than enough to pay for another Lexus, or if you want, we can go with a different brand.”

“I don’t know which I want, but I do know that I want to pay for the vehicle and have the insurance applied before we drive away with it. I don’t want to go through this ever again,” Serena said as she laid her head on Bernie’s shoulder, completely exhausted from the whole ordeal.

“I 100% agree with you on that,” she chuckled as she wrapped her arm around Serena and kissed her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had part of a fic written about life insurance, but then I realized I knew nothing about it, so I tried car insurance, but I didn't know much about that either so I just winged it.
> 
> Credit to State Farm here in the states for giving me inspiration. If you haven't seen their hilarious commercial from years ago, check it out [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47cAxRX3aDg/)!


End file.
